Cultivating Serenity | Nancy O'Brien and Dana, The Happiness Practice #004

Thank you. So, as you guys know, obviously we're Sun Control. We're shining light on Minnesota's Our Podcast. And for the viewers that are out at home that don't know, this is our episode two of season 2. Um, we have some ladies here today that will hopefully be very insightful, bring joy to you, and I'll let you introduce themselves. Go ahead, Nancy. Hi. Um, thank you. It's wonderful to be here with you. Thank you. Um, I'm Nancy O'Brien. I'm the co-founder of Experience Happiness. Wonderful. And I'm Dana Hokinson and I am a happiness practice facilitator. Outstanding. Thank you guys both for being here. So, I've done a little bit of research cuz that's kind of my job when I go into these, not not knowing everything that you guys do. So, tell us maybe a little bit. We'll let you start first, Nancy, about where you or how you got started. Yeah, I mean, so thank you for that. um not unlike any other entrepreneur or innovator, I I needed something, you know, that wasn't available at the time. So, you know, if we would have met 16 years ago, Yeah. Um you would have said, "Nancy, you're doing everything you're supposed to do to have a happy life." Right. And um but quite frankly, I was suffering from suicidal ideation. Got it. And what I know now that I didn't know then is I was actually suffering from the 16 signs and symptoms of of burnout. Got it. And if the gallop well being indexed to core would have been out at the time and it wasn't, I would have scored A+ on all five indicators. Wow. Right. Flying around the globe doing customer and experience um consulting and design. I am the the um I'm so healthy my physician didn't want to see me for 5 years. Okay. Um I'm volunteer of the decade at my kids school. Outstanding. I am, you know, traveling to Fiji for vacation. Mhm. Um, thanks to a robust career early on at IBM, I've got a nice, you know, 401k and retirement plan and I got friends and family coming to the cabin every weekend. Perfect. And what more can you ask for? And I was suffering. Mhm. I was going to therapy. I was going to counseling. I was meditating. I was doing yoga. Um, and if one more person gave me a gratitude journal, there was going to be a situation, right? And that's the stuff that people don't see that goes on behind the scenes in your home, in your bedroom, wherever you're at, even at the office. And trying to let people know that it is out there and it's okay to talk about. And we'll kind of turn to you next, but all the steps that people can take and what the right routes are, what works best for them too is very important at this day and age with from young kids all the way up to Yeah. high-end CEOs, healthcare facilities, social workers, people working in cubicles, people, small businesses, everywhere. Yeah. Burnout's now the second pandemic. No one's exempt. Nope. And um you know, quite frankly, our mission at Experience Happiness is reduce suffering. Yes. So, how long ago did you start? You're the co-founder of Experience Happiness. Yeah. Time flies. So, 17 years ago. Yeah. Wow. Amazing. And you know, we can say that we're the only organization that has a behavioral health solution that measurably helps people reduce burnout and improve happiness. And then our return on happiness measurement systems helps us link that to key performance indicators at the department and organization. And that might look like increased sales, increased engagement, inclusion, belonging, diversity, turnover, employee engagement, whatever it is, we tailor that to the organization. So, we're always managing and measuring what matters to the organization. The organizations. That's that's really important. I mean, I know I've I've had a realm of jobs and having seven kids between my significant other and myself. I mean, you see it everywhere you go. I it doesn't matter like I just explained from the kids um having family members that are social workers, trauma centers, I mean everywhere. So it's amazing and I can't wait to learn more as we continue on the conversation. So Diana, tell us a little bit about your background and where you came from. Yeah, thank you. So I have worked in healthcare for the last 23 years, manufacturing for many years prior to that um in the space of like helping to make healthcare work better. Yeah. Transformational ways of improving how healthcare works. And so a couple of years ago, I was um fortunate to have uh connected with Nancy through an initiative I was leading at Henipin Healthcare. And we were um going to be creating a new care model for patients with congestive heart failure. Sure. And another business Nancy is a part of is consulting and experience-based design. And so we contracted with Dreambox to come in. And so we're working on building this new care model and it became evident rather quickly that one of the things that we needed to solve for not only for the congestive heart failure folks but for everybody in the ecosystem was to reduce burnout and stress and improve happiness and overall quality of life. And so we actually we did a test of THP where I was educated went through the program and it's like this is what we need. This is what we need and so we built it as a part of the care model as well. That's important especially in in in the healthcare field but in any field. So you mentioned THP. Tell myself and everybody else what THP is. Yeah. So, THP is the happiness practice, okay? And it's a behavioral health solution that helps to uh dial down that burnout and stress and increase happiness at the same time. And as Nancy said, really works on as you as you make those shifts, you also see improvements in other measures that are important to your organization and it also has huge impact on personal life. Absolutely. Personal life is hugely improved. Yes. So you can imagine I mean I'm sure you guys seeing the growth and the change every day and just every job and every project that you have would be a boost to them but it's also to you like wow I'm really making a difference. I'm really helping people. If it's even just one person at the organization or if it's 10 just seeing their growth they're they're continuing they're spreading it out. They're telling everybody hey you know look what I've learned. Mhm. Well because the happiness practice um is not another thing to do. Right? It cultivates a new way of being by developing new neuropathways. So there are five principles of happiness, okay, that are learned and practice each for 30 days cuz that's the time it takes our human system pathways and each of the five principles work on a different aspect of our brain. So even though you learn and practice the principles kind of in the order that I we will introduce them to to you, okay, they work together in a system. So once you go through kind of this sixmon experience of learning and practicing and basically changing your way of being from the inside out, it's how you are. It's like switching out your operating system. Got it? You know, and you're just more optimized. Um, and you're full more fully present in your life experience. And you're using your internal guidance system to create conscious decisions that amplify your happiness of yourself and others as opposed to dealing in the drama and the trauma, you know, that we often lingers in the back end or it could just be there and nobody knows it's there. Yes. Um and you know we started you know we started kind of developing this and we started healing right which is how is this happening? No it was true right bringing it home to your kids or whoever else right well because everything else we were doing was a working yeah right and the thing is burnout um depending on how many symptoms you have and how long you've had them and how pervasive they are they can lead to pathology. But you know, I'm I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I'm seeing a counselor. But I didn't have the pathology of depression or anxiety. I was in burnout. Yeah. And you know, there's so much focus on mental health as it should be right now. Certainly. But you know, we're all probably on a spectrum of something. Yes. And most of us will go undiagnosed and unmanaged. Yep. And if we wait for the health care systems to create access to mental health providers, we're going to be waiting a good long time. Correct. So the nice thing about the happiness practice is it's a doorway anyone can step through and you don't need a diagnosis. Perfect. And anyone can learn to share the practice with others. We had high school students at Shakipi um high school learning to share the practice with their friends at the beginning of the pandemic, which is important. And their results, these junior high students that were sharing their practice with their friends got just as wonderful results, as I would have by sharing the practice, right? And they learn more quickly. Yep. because you're meeting it for your peers. You're hearing it. You're understanding and their brains don't have as much reward. It's kind of anybody over 35 takes a little longer. Hold on a minute. Wait, because it's a practice of of unlearning and getting back to home plate which is love and self. Yes. Yep. Right. Yes. Cuz the inner critic just kind of starts to dial up at a young age. At a young age, I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not smart enough. And social media. Exactly. I know. Yeah. That's that's a whole another I Yeah. Like I said, with seven kids, that is they always say sticks and stones don't break my or sticks and stones will break my bones, but words won't ever hurt me. But those words that you can see that are worse are worse. They can constantly see them. They're everywhere for everybody to see. Even if you think they disappear, they don't because it's already been seen. It's already been shared. It is what it is. So you've talked about the stages of it. Do you start people when they come in at different stages or do you always start them at this at the beginning stage and kind of work their way through all five of them? Yeah. So so typically what we'll do is we will hold cohorts all together at the same time. So like groups of 10 to 12 people. Sure. Make up a cohort. Y and we will start and go through. We actually have like a 101 where we really just kind of go through this is what THP is and what you can expect going through the six-month program. Got it. And then when we start with principle number one, that is a full-on learning session. So there's 45minute learning sessions for each principal. And then two weeks later, there's what we call a happiness huddle, which is really, really cool and what most people really love because everybody gets to share what they've been doing as they've been practicing that principle. So, they're growing from each other. Everybody's learning from each other. Like you're facilitating, but you're they're learning from each other. Yep. And then you're learning more cuz you're learning from them, too. It's like, oh, hey, I didn't even think about that that aspect that could have been brought into it. Yes. So you do that the whole six months, right? So it's like one principle a month. Got it. Session happiness. So if people come in, they just start on whatever session they started or do they start? No, we would want to start at fresh start. You want to start fresh cuz you they build upon each other. Okay. I didn't know if they kind of rotated. It's behavioral health and so you're you're in these cohorts. You're on this healing journey together. And really kind of what happens in a cohort stays in a cohort. It's a very end up being very intimate. Yes. Um and people, you know, it's it's magical because it's personal development, it's leadership development, it's team building all at the same time, right? And the the first thing we do is ground people in a definition of happiness. Yeah. And it's this. It's that happiness is our innate ability to locate and cultivate our serenity and our excitement about life regardless of outside forces which is true. That's that's a big one the outside forces. So yes and I would invite your listeners to go to our website now. There's a free and confidential happiness and burnout assessment and just explore for yourself how do you feel and how do you behave when you're not serene and you're not excited and where would they find that at? Well, where would well so experiencehappiness.biz bis um and it's really it's right there. Take the assessment and you know you'll you can download your own report like where are you on the 16 signs and symptoms of burnout and 12 signs of symptoms of happiness. But I'll just ask you. So, how do you feel and how do you behave when you're not serene and you're not excited? When I'm not serene and I'm not excited, I I'm I am busy just like you were um having seven kids obviously going to all their events, everything like that. But I do find it's important to take time for myself, find things that make me happy winter, summer, whatever that may be. Whether it's hitting golf balls, you get frustrated here at work. We have obviously you have golf courses on our wall. That's my happy place. Um, hitting golf balls out there. If you can't do that, just taking time, having some quiet time, driving to and from all the sites that we go to. We met at a networking event last week and I had four that day. So, that was a lot. But usually when I'm in the car, it's listening to a podcast or listening to music. But a lot of times lately, it's just been turning everything off. So, it's you answered the question beautifully on what you do. Yep. My question is though, how do you feel and how do you behave when you're not serene and you're not excited? I'm quiet. I'm kept to myself and just kind of I let myself unwind, I guess. Yeah. Just kind of tone down a lot more. Mhm. Most people um that are not serene aren't comfortable with themselves. Mhm. And when we don't have that excitement about our life, we're also kind of a little defeated and dejected. Mhm. And so what's interesting is when you look at the 16 signs of symptoms of burnout, they burnout's tricky because there's good stress. I'm excited to go to Ireland to play golf, right? But you have to get everything organized. You got seven kids, your father, you know, all these things. That's good stress, right? And then there's kind of not so good stress, which is like, here we go again. It's always the same situation when we're dealing with this particular thing. We don't seem to kind of get through the hamster wheel, right? And on to something next. But burnout's unique. Burnout has behavioral, emotional, and physical symptoms, right? And so you you the early warning signs is just pure exhaustion. Yeah. You're just like fatigue. Fatigue. Can't do anything. Also cynicism. Doesn't matter what I do. Right. And then that feeling of inefficacy. It's like I'm not getting the result. I might be spinning the wheels. Spinning the wheels, but I'm not getting anywhere. Right. So those are the three early warning signs of burnout. Right. Um, and no one's talking about this. We go to stress management classes. Right. Right. Go for a walk, do something you love. But if you tell somebody who's in burnout to go do something you love, Yeah. not going to They have no energy. N fuel in the tank. Y so um our wonderful healthcare providers, our wonderful teachers, you know, the people who kept the wheels on our ecosystem during the last two years, you know, they're in burnout. They have nothing in their tank, right? So Deian and I work with leaders such as you to say, "How do you fill up the tank?" Y and it's not more time off. It's give me tools that help me heal, help me let it out. Yes. Because burnout is suffering. Yep. Especially with co. Do you guys notice that after even after the fact that it's hit, people are still working from home trying to manage all the stresses that that brought on, but also all the new stresses because now they have to get back to work or they were working from home. Well, what's interesting because we're working with the CDC Foundation right now and it's very interesting to have a client that reports to the surgeon general, right? That's that's so you every every week we learn something and just last week the surgeon general came out with his loneliness advisory. He said loneliness is as devastating as a two pack a day smoking habit. And since the pandmic, since we've kind of kind of um we've gotten comfortable kind of being more um I'll say internal, right? Not as out and about, right? So he's very concerned about loneliness. Right. But on top of that, um, earlier this year, he put out a healthare worker burnout advisory to the point that he says, if we don't address healthare worker burnout, we will not have a healthare system in a year and a half, which is true if you think about it. And then the other advisory was youth mental health. And you touched on this. You've got seven children right now. And you know, it doesn't even matter what the issues are. the the ch the the the the sad thing is every 3 minutes somebody under the age of 21 kills themselves right so and it gives me chills just thinking about it because back when you were younger I was younger you know it was there but it was never talked about it was not something that came ahead like it was all like hush hush yeah nobody knew suicide was well they knew it was around but it wasn't well you kind of knew about it you know uncle Larry was sitt in the corner not doing so well but nobody was talking about that he's just That's just Uncle Larry. And you know, we weren't quite sure why, you know, you know, Sally or Sue wasn't doing so well in school, right? But you just kind of, well, you know, it'll it'll go work itself. Same with addiction. Like it just you don't talk about it or other diseases that are out there that people feel shamed by. Yeah. And you have to be careful because what's so what's so interesting about burnout once you understand it, no one's exempt. No. Not at And we focus a lot over at um about um engagement. Mhm. But even the most highly engaged, right, you know, employees can be at risk for burnout. Everybody, I got off the plane one night. I was I came back traveling. I don't even know where I was, but probably living in corporate housing, you know. I get off the plane and I go to the I go to the restroom. I look in the mirror and I'm like, I didn't even recognize myself. And I called the um owner of the business right then, probably at midnight. I'm like, I quit. Yep. I I didn't plan on quitting. I didn't have a backup plan. I'm like, I'm sorry. I got nothing. Y I've got nothing. Yep. And what's interesting is once you start to recognize it within yourself, you can see it in others, right? And so that person that's not behaving the way you kind of want them to behave, you know, they could be in burnout. There's something going on there. Yep. And everybody in their life, myself included, obviously has had the stages of burnout. Is there was there you know they've you've experienced it. It's life. It's there's a good chance that the people that are on a personal improvement plan are in burnout. Yep. So you talk about the personal improvement plan and you talk about the THP. Tell us a little bit more about those and what people can do and how they can get involved. You said just coming through the front door, getting on your website and being, you know, just be open to it. just be open to it. But Diana, why don't you share with them the five principles of happiness? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. So, principle number one is to be conscious. Mhm. So, truly like we we talk about, you know, really taking in breaths, focus on what you're doing and how you know just be conscious of what you're doing. Get your head and heart and your heart together. Exactly. And then step number two is to when you know what you're doing, how are you feeling? Mhm. Really try to figure that out and and more than oh yeah, I'm good. It's be in hone with that so you understand it. Yes. Yes. So how am how are you feeling? And often it's that cocktail mix like I can be feeling both positive things and negative things at the same time because of what a situation that's going on. So you be conscious, understand how you're feeling. Um co-create what works now. Release control to be empowered. Release control to be empowered. See, here we go. We'll cut that part out. Don't worry. We'll cut that. Number three is release control to be empowered. Perfect. Because you know you you understand how you're feeling and if you're not feeling great about something, you're frustrated. It's like, okay, well, what can I do that I'm in charge of? Well, that's where release control to be empowered comes in next. You have control over. What do I have control over? Exactly. What request you have of somebody else. You can make request. We can make requests for each other, but everyone's on their own life path, right? And you never know what stage they're at, which their life path. Yep. Yes. And to do kind and forwarding requests, right, of yourself and others. Absolutely. That's that's being kind to oursel is really critical. This is where you get healthy boundaries, too, is you start to really understand if I honor my feelings cuz my feelings are my guidance system. Yep. And there's three of us doing this conversation today. Sure are. But we're not all having the same experience. No. And you don't know where I'm at and I don't know where either of you are coming into it or anything. I'm 100% empowered and accountable for my internal state, right? Which is huge. And knowing those boundaries and knowing what you offered us water, I'm like, water sounds like a really good thing. Thank you very much. Here's your option. But you know what? I had to catch an old um belief that was playing. It's like, no, I'm good. Nobody needs to do anything for me. But I had to catch it for me to say, "Yes, I'll take a water. Thank you very much." Yes. Yep. And I do that a lot myself, too. you know, like I'll just handle it. I'll get it done, you know. But if you really if you would take that just take that second like water's always good. Y wants to help something. Hey, one less thing off my plate, right? And then with that release control to be empowered, it's like you're responsible for your own stuff, too. I'm responsible for my stuff. Mine. I'm inviting you to do the same. How about this? Let's meet the world. Which leads to principle number four, which is the co-create what works now. My favorite one because everything and everyone is always changing. Yes, they are. So what works now may not work today, what tomorrow's going to bring or what exactly what's going to happen when we get out of our chairs. Exactly. Exactly. So I I find this super helpful at home. Yeah. Always. Absolutely. Anybody who's dealing with more than one person in their household, you need to co-create what works out often. Yes. Because we know that we're not we don't have a game plan. It's just all right, let's let's figure it out. Exactly. Make it work. Exactly. So, you know, practicing at home and getting those neuropathways working, right? Really helps you to propel it to, you know, other people, too. Bring it to other people. Yep. Yeah. That's a great one. I really like that one. Yeah. And then the last principle is learn life lessons. Mhm. And this is where Nancy has has just shared an example of catch your beliefs, right? Because we all have beliefs, right? Yes, they do. But they don't have to stay that way, right? We can change those. We have the ability to go, "What? Why am I Why am I thinking that way? I don't have to have that belief. It's as simple as recognizing it and saying, I'm going to change this." Yeah. And moving forward. It was interesting. And I was out to dinner with some friends last night and I don't even know what somebody said something. I think it was something about food. Somebody remarked about some food they liked or what they don't like. And I and they they were looking at me for some response. And I was I was going through my beliefs. Mhm. And it was visible to them. It's like, well, you're not responding. Like I'm checking my biases. Like I was about to say I don't like it, but I was I caught myself to say now why don't I like this, right? And and it was just so funny because I was doing my subconscious. Why am I about to say automatically I don't like this when I'm like I actually have no idea if I like it or not like it. It was just a conditioning that I had. And so you know when you look at your belief systems it's transformative because the beautiful thing about our beliefs it drives our thoughts feelings and behaviors and it our beliefs are both the lens of which we perceive the world and it's the lens of which we experience the world right what you see and what you feel and this is why with a lot of things that are going on with the EDI movement like we actually don't know us um people white privilege have no idea what it really feels like to be afraid to drive black, right? Mhm. We have no idea. True story. Yeah. You know, but when I have a good friend, she has a she adopted a a beautiful black boy and he's learning to drive now. And the conversations they are having is tremendous. She's white. The mother is white, but the child is a is a black, you know, handsome young man. Smart, too. Kind as as well. And and it's tricky for them cuz she she actually does not know Mhm. how he feels, right, as he's learning to drive as a black man. Mhm. She was she was saying the other day she said um I was we I was picking up from the mall and he we were running late. So I'm like I'm right outside just run. And he goes I'm not running in a mall. Yeah. So I share that as as a really good example of our our need to to do our own work. What are our beliefs? Where are our biases? Um we do a lot of work around inclusion because um for us to be inclusive, we have to really check our biases. Right. Sure do. And so if we want inclusive culture, we got to equip people with things like the happiness practice. So you check yourself, right? Right. Why am I responding this way? It's like a timeout on yourself. Like okay, what am I thinking here? Like why did that almost come out in total time out? What was I going to say? And then what happens is beliefs show up in family systems, in work systems, in departments, in teams, right? So you can actually use the practice to optimize your team. Yes. You know, and and whatnot. So we have we have a friend who um he's he's a certified THP facilitator. He's like, I have five degrees and one of them was is with integrative um integrative self and something from the spirit center of spirituality and healing at the U. Yeah. And he's like, "This is the instruction manual for humans that none of us got that we all missed." Yes. Because when you think about it is we all know that we feel better when we're conscious. Sure do. Our head and heart working together. We're not ruminating about past and not worried about the future. We are fully present. We all know what that feels like. Yep. And it feels really good. And we also know what it feels like when we're not conscious. Right. When you ever drive from point A to point B and you get to point B like I have no idea how I got there and thank God I didn't have I just lost 15 minutes of my life. Yep. Right. Absolutely. And then you know principle number two that honor feelings Diana is talking about is all feelings are valid and those uncomfortable ones could save your life. Sure. They could get you to the doctor sooner. They could um get you to stop at the at the It's like, "Okay, turn out you need to take a break." Like, right? Just stop. Yeah. Right. And they also bring more joy to your life, right? It's like, you know what? I'm feeling so good right now. I'm going to ride this. Right. Um because our feelings are like the weather. They're constantly changing, right? And the weather could make your feelings change, too. Yeah. We get a lot of push back sometimes on using the word happiness. But the the problem is we don't go around saying how's your subjective well-being, right? We have, right? Oh, my wellbeing kind of sucks today. Yeah. How can I how can I support your subjective? What can I do to make yourself you know your subject better? Exactly. Right. So, what people have to just understand is it's not like skipping up and jumping up and down the street. Right. You know, you is that internal? It's internal. Like it's not a culture either. You guys were kind of explaining that a little bit earlier. So explain when people think happiness, do they think it's a culture? Do they think it's a single Well, what do you think it is? We typically ask, what do you what do you think happiness is? Happiness is yourself and how you portray yourself and how you carry yourself, what you think about yourself, and what others think of you after you deal with yourself. Yeah. I would add um what we've learned in the research is happiness is an internal state comes from within. Yeah. And it's actually your your internal kind of I'll say measurement system on how well you are being who you're meant to be right at this moment in your life experience because we're meant to evolve and change. Yeah. Right. That's that's the life. I love how you brought up the measurement system, too, because this this was a big thing for me to get, but it's like our feelings are our own data. It's like, you don't need to know how I'm feeling all the time. You don't need to know how I'm feeling all the time, but I know. You need to know though, so that I can operate in a way that supports my happiness and wellbeing. And what we've learned about um feelings is um suppressing them doesn't make them go away. Rather they sit there as little energy bonds and they typically come out form of chronic disease. Um the Finnish researchers are ahead of us a little bit on this but they are finding that almost every chronic condition um congestive heart failure, dementia, cancer, rheumatoid arthritis, things like that can be traced back to the suppression of our feelings of flooding them out. Right. Yep. I agree. Boy, I wish I would have known that years ago. I think I I actually have a chronic disease and I I fully believe it's because I was not open with my feelings to even yourself. Yeah. To myself. So that's the thing. The thing about for each of the five principles, we give you three steps to practice. They're like physical therapy for the brain. So like principle number one, here's the three steps. Love to hear. Three times a day. Yeah. Like set your timer on your phone. just a little thing is like you know 7's probably setting as we talk I just want to be on the green and at odd times like you know 7:15 in the morning and 12 in the afternoon and you want to just odd times right and when you hear it just say okay I'm going to do these three steps so the three steps for being conscious are this take a breath locate what you're doing y and identify how you're feeling got it just doing that connects your head and your heart. You don't have to judge how you're feeling. You don't have to name your feelings. It's just about understanding that you're human being human being, not a human doing. And so, as you're going about your day doing things, you are feeling things. So, just getting your head and heart connected is life saving. Absolutely. I have a friend kind of a short little story kind of tying into what you said, but her daughter lost her baby and she's a mother and it's your daughter and your daughter's baby. So, she kept her feelings in. She ended up having cancer which led to a heart attack almost a week after her daughter lost her baby. Oh my. And they're saying that it's all kind of ties back to the heartbreak because it was never released. You know, it's kind of one of those that amazing how it works. reality or someone dying after their spouse or significant other dies. Like it's you can die of heartache or you you just got to deal with it, right? So we have to be able to to recognize and locate our feelings for ourselves and set those boundaries. I think that's that's important and that's one I've learned in the last probably more so in the last year is just setting those personal boundaries and doing what's what's best for me. Right. And you and you start to you know what's so great about the practice is over time as you practice it and it's a life practice and you you practice it at home you practice it while you're practicing it anyway right you'll practice it when you're playing golf you you'll notice in your golf game that you can use the practice right are you fully conscious time take a deep breath out reset refocus easy and you know quite frankly what you know my friend and business partner and I had to do is we had to take the mystery out of it. It's like I was reading all the self-help books and I wasn't getting so the happiness practice takes the mystery out of how you be conscious, honor feelings, release control, co-create what works and evolve at the level of belief. Yeah. Um because there's two core um root beliefs that we are all trying to extinguish um on our on our life journey. And one is I'm not loved and the other is I'm not good enough. And if we're offering operating from the root belief of I'm not loved, we tend to compromise our own well-being to seek approval from others. Absolutely. And when we're operating from the root belief of I'm not good enough, we tend to put other people down in order to feel temporarily good. Bring someone else. And no one's exempt. There's no human on the planet that isn't working through the life lessons to extinguish those two beliefs and get to the the truth of who we all are, which is grounded in self-love and selfworth. It's important and it's great for not just myself to hear it with all the stuff going on in my life, everybody else's life, but our viewers. Um, and it's great to incorporate, we've talked about down the road to incorporating viewers to have responses, letting them, you know, tag on and ask questions and kind of be part of part of the question and answer and just kind of being here. But when you talk about really getting down deep core into your soul and finding out what works for you and what resets you and refocuses you and just the three common beliefs that you said, those are important. I don't doesn't matter who you are. So, it's great to share that. Where can people find you at when you say they can come through your doors, where are you guys located? So, we're virtual. Um, we were virtual before the pandemic and called us. Yes. And so, um, uh, so really just come through the website. Yeah. experience happapp all strung together.biz. Um you can also find me at nancy atexperiencehappiness.biz and really I'll you just just give me a just reach out to me and we'll have a conversation. We're bringing it to church communities. We're bringing it to camps. We're bringing it into organizations of all industries. Um anywhere where there are people support groups. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Mhm. Yeah. Sure. So, we're working with the scleroderma um foundation, natural scleroderma foundation. That's the chronic disease that I have. Yep. And um so we're we're working to incorporate it into our support groups. Wonderful. To cuz when you get the news of a chronic disease of any kind, it's devastating. Oh, it is absolutely for yourself. You don't know how to handle it. Exactly. And then you start like as my father's got chronic illnesses, he worries about how everybody else is going to handle it, not so much yourself. So you tuck those feelings in for yourself and then the stress comes out of like what's my wife going to do? What's my kids going to do? Every Yep. You never know how different people deal with it. So that's huge. Exactly. And there are a lot of support groups out there. Mhm. And I don't know. I think we tossed around some ideas. We can edit We can edit this out for sure. Um, you know, it could be interesting if if you and your colleagues here want to go through the practice and invite the readers in along the way. Absolutely. That would be fun. Yeah. Yep. That's a really cool idea. That would be great to do. I'll talk to a couple of the owners that aren't obviously here right now, but it would be great to just take the process. I mean, your values are like kindness. Your values are in alignment with what what happiness, you know, is. And we like to I mean, as a company, too, we like to promote happiness. I mean that it's one of the things you see when you go into business is obviously all the white spaces and people just working and doing their grinding and very monot feel that walking in here and just meeting everybody. Yeah. I mean we all for the language that everybody's saying we get along. We're a team. We're happy. We try to bring that out to other people. No matter what you do in your life, making a difference in people's life is huge. I mean we started off when we started with the window film business. There are a lot of people out there that have XP. for the viewers or yourself if you don't know what that is. It's it's a reaction to the skin. When the sun hits or you're breathing, your immune system shuts down. You could die from being out in the sun. There's kids, there's adults, there's a lot of people on there. Um the U of M and 3M have reached out to us and had some patients that have had it and say, "Hey, how can we help? Can we go to the schools? Can we go to their homes? Can we help with their cars? Block those UV rays because life or death." Yeah, that's fantastic. We had a little story, a little guy, cute, cutest little guy come in here. His name was Jackson. You guys can see it on YouTube and all our other social media, but he came in almost like a spacuit. Just happy as happy could be. Didn't know the difference. They're young. They're kids. And just being able to go and help make a difference in his life nonetheless. everybody else that has it. Um, it's one of those things that small things like that or putting images on walls, on cars, you know, just letting people when you spend 90% of your time working, whether it's in an office or where you're at, why not do something to make it brighter, just more environmental part of the culture. Yeah. Yep. Mhm. And I would also suggest that one of the most interesting things about the happiness practice is you get really curious about your internal state all the time. And so then then work just becomes a classroom for you to practice. You're constantly checking yourself. Yeah. So it takes on a whole new meaning and you shift from being a human doing to a human being and you realize that whether you're cooking dinner or taking the kids to a soccer game or working on a proposal or doing a podcast, it's actually all it all it is is opportunities for me to practice being the best human I can be in that moment. Y and all of a sudden it doesn't matter what you're doing, right? You just you just kind of bring it back in, horn it back in, right? And the nice thing about anytime we shift at the level of belief we and um it's the quantum physics of it like we're we're when we shift the wave the particles naturally shift and so kind like if mom ain't happy nobody's happy. Right. Right. And so when you start living from a place of authentic inside out happiness and using the practice, other people just pick it up and they come along right on it feels better. It's not let's get things done. Exactly. It just feels better. Yeah. Wonderful. So you guys have kids of your own and they're grown up. Have they done the practice or they just see it from you and kind of can carry it and incorporate it in or how how has that worked? Do they know the lessons and all the stages and everything like that? And Well, we have five children. Okay. And a couple of them have been through the practice. Nice. Well, and I'm sure just having you in it too helps because you can share it with them. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Mhm. You know, I um my kids were 15 and 16 when I embarked in this journey and they all they're, you know, 30, 32, whatever they are. And what's fun is they now have the awareness of my shifts, right? Mhm. Yep. You know, and and you know, I do a lot of podcasts, I do a lot of speaking and whatnot. So, they're very aware that I was suicidal back then. Yep. Right. And so they they can see how the practice helped me first of all stay alive. Yep. And thrive. Number one superpower cuz she's my mom. She's my superhero because we've seen her come from there all the way up. And then now what'll happen is like mom, I'm here with my friend Joey and he needs to practice right now. So then he you know. So I get that. Now I'm getting that. Yeah. It's like I can't I'm not ready to teach it to share it with anybody. But you know, mom, you know, I got somebody I know it enough, but I'm not going to do it cuz my friend, but here's somebody that's knows it. Exactly. And it's funny how kids do that even with driving down the road with graphic signs like, "Hey, mom, they could use some window fl they start to pick up on the little things and they're like your own little I don't want to say salesperson, but they'll carry on what you carry on. So what you say, you'll notice one of their kids will start to pick it up or their friends will be like, "Hey, you know, she's she's doing this and there's a sign over there." And they'll send me a picture. I'll be like, "All right, so that's passed from four people, so it's working." You know, it's just the little things. So yeah, but it it has been really fun for me and my learning. And obviously I think it's it's a journey. You continue you continually learn and grow in this. But my kids like have so noticed, right? You know, they've seen the shift, too. shift. Exactly. The good thing with kids, too, is they can pick up like if you're starting to slip down that slope again, they can be like, "Hey, almost put you in check quicker than anybody." Oh, they would have no problem down. Mom, you could use your practice right now. Yep. Yep. I can see that for sure. Hey, mom. Put yourself in check. Just take time out. All right. Yeah. I have learned to ask for a doover. I'm like, "Okay, hang on." Mom, why are you delaying? I did things my mother would have. That was just a way my mother would have done something. I want a doover. We can I get a doover and we just kind of go back. I need help. Please hold on to And that's okay cuz you can catch yourself. Oh, right. It's okay to correct yourself in front of them because they're knowing that you're doing it to prove yourself. So what what I think has been really fun for me too is in the last year probably as we've been doing this one of the things that I've become more aware of that is a part of forming who we are is generational trauma for sure. Yeah. That's a big one. And my kids are so wanting to fix that and move forward. It's like we want to break this generational trauma. Happiness practice is a way to start breaking that trauma. Breaking the cycle breaking cycle and it doesn't mean you might not need some official therapy. We're very clear if some what if somebody needs or is engaged in professional therapy. Yes. But Dr. Corey Keys, he's the guy that does a lot of work on flourishing. He says something really nice. He's got this little model and he's like there's too much mental illness but not enough mental health. Right. And he's like no matter where you are on the spectrum. And he's interesting because he'll when he's presenting, he was in town a couple years ago and I we got to spend a day with him and he'll say, he goes, "I have PTSD. I have anxiety and something else." Mhm. And I don't I don't take my medication when I'm presenting cuz I want you to see it. Yep. See it and feel it so you understand. He actually ran off the stage at one point. Yep. And who know I mean who knows why or why. He came back maybe 45 minutes later he goes I I just had a full-blown anxiety attack. Yep. So I went and did that. Um so interesting. Right. Very interesting. But what I think is so great about the practice is that it's um grounded in self-love, selfworth, which we are all deserving of and meant to get to. Yes. Um and it allows us to be more kind to ourselves and others. You know, we're just We're just these human We're just We're Neanderthalss. We're not that far from knuckle dragging at all. Still looking at this day and age like, "Wow, I look a lot like Yeah. And so, you know, and the beautiful thing about happiness, I mean, everybody wants to be happy, right? But what it is for you and what it is for you and it changes daily." Yeah. Sure does. Right. Where I was a year ago to where I am today, like more stories pop up or the kids say something, "Hey, mom." I'm like, "Oh, it seems like forever ago." But it wasn't. It was just a year ago, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And so, you you've been so generous. Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate you guys coming in and kind of hearing a little more about the practice. And for all our viewers, hopefully they'll get online and take the self assessment and see where they're at and just kind of if anything, if they don't go to your website, which is experiencehappiness.biz. Yep. then they'll at least learn something and take it from here. You know, at the end of the day, it's about helping. It's about giving. It's about being out there and letting people know that there are people out there. And you know, it's also I'll just say if we want a better world Mhm. it first starts with us, right? So when we do the work to create a peaceful, calm, loving state internally. Yep. That's the gift we actually give to the world. Amazing. Yeah, it is. When you think about it, I mean, whether it's kids, having you guys on the show, it's just the little things throughout the day, but it all comes down to yourself and where you're at. And who knows where that'll be on the roller coaster of life, but it's always being able to kind of come back to it and connect. So, yeah. I appreciate you guys both coming in. Thank you for Thank you very much. It was great to have you guys.